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A Guide to Self Help and Personal Change

  • I deserve to be,
  • I want to be,
  • I can be,
  • I will be,
  • I am.

If you want to change your life you need to change how you think and change what you do. Self-help, personal change, being happy: it's up to you. No-one else.

  • Self-help and personal change start with your realisation that it really is in your own hands, and your decision to do something about it.
  • Your own self-belief is the key to successful life change, achievement, contentment, and happiness.

Your own mind, particularly positive suggestions and visualisation, will develop your self-belief and your determination to make successful changes to your life.

This page will help you begin to change the way you think, feel and act.

  1. Visit it any time you want to boost your self-belief, to relax, and to regain control of your life and direction.
  2. Print this page and put it above your mirror, above your bed, above your desk, anywhere you'll see it every day.
  3. Make time - actually, schedule some time in your planner or diary to do this. It will dramatically improve your mood, attitude, and approach to life, and therefore what you get from life.

Positive suggestion and visualisation, combined with deep relaxation, is an easy way to make a powerful positive personal change.

Just going through this relaxation exercise alone will help to change and improve the way you feel. If you combine the relaxation techniques with a repeated script of positive statements, such as the 'I am' script below, you will begin to change the way you think and feel, and act and all that life offers as a result.

  • The more you use the relaxation exercise and say or hear the script, then the greater and more sustainable will be the effect.
  • The time it takes to change depends on different people. Stick with it and it will become easier, more natural, more enjoyable, and it will work.

Relaxation Exercise

  1. Sit or lie down comfortably. Properly comfortably. Straighten your back, put your shoulders back to open your rib-cage.
  2. Relax your shoulder muscles particularly. Relax your whole body, and empty your mind.
  3. Close your eyes (obviously, open them when you need to read the next stage).
  4. Take ten deep, slow breaths. Breathe from the pit of your stomach and feel your lungs filling.
  5. Focus on your breathing. Feel it getting deeper and slower. Feel yourself relaxing and any tension drifting away.
  6. Relax your shoulders and neck again.
  7. Visualise yourself being happy, succeeding, winning, being loved, laughing, and feeling good.
  8. Relax your forehead, your mouth and your eyes.
  9. Allow a gentle smile to appear on your face as you feel a calmness enter your mind.
  10. Then say (out load ideally) the words below (a script for a personal change) using the "I am" script below say the following words to yourself.

Using the "I am" Script

  • I am a good person.
  • I have integrity.
  • I do what is ethically right and good.
  • Whatever life puts before me will be a useful experience that will make me stronger, wiser, and more tolerant.
  • I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other people's weaknesses, and their behaviour towards me. Other people's behaviour is about them, not me.
  • I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can.
  • I am what I eat and drink, so I eat and drink good things.
  • I am what I watch and play and listen to, so I watch and play and listen to good positive things.
  • I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I don't need to drive or take the bus or train.
  • I smile and laugh whenever I can - life is good - getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it.
  • I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person, just like me.
  • I am a compassionate and loving, caring person.
  • I am a good person.
  • I am.

More Information About Relaxation, Scripts and Self-Help

The use of scripts while in a deeply relaxed state is an ages-old method of gaining and maintaining control over our personal feelings and behaviours.

  • Relaxation combined with positive 'self-talk' enables self-help.
  • The use of scripts or strong statements while in a deeply relaxed state enables a 'conditioning' effect on our subconscious.

Changing our subconscious - our feelings and beliefs - increases our sense of calm and well-being, and also enables change in our conscious thoughts and behaviours.

Some people find it easier than others to relax deeply. It comes with practice.

  1. If you find it difficult, allow yourself more time when going through the relaxation exercise. 
  2. Create or put yourself into a quiet relaxing calm environment. 
  3. Shut out noise and distractions. 
  4. Lie down rather than sit.

When relaxing and emptying your mind it is natural for thoughts to arise - in which case simply acknowledge them gently and let them go - visualise them floating away like a balloon into the distance. Your ability to empty your mind and relax, free from thoughts, will improve with practice.

  • When you practice, you will increase the ease with which you can relax, and then you will find that you no longer need such a quiet environment. 
  • You will even find that you can achieve a deeply relaxed state in quite noisy stressful environments. Even sat at your desk at work.

Other methodologies and approaches refer to deep relaxation as 'meditation'. 

  • Deep relaxation alone is good for the mind and body, without the use of scripted statements. 
  • Combining deep relaxation with good positive scripts is a powerful method of achieving greater happiness and making positive personal change.

The use of repeating scripts (said or listened to) is ages-old as well. The principle is used in many timeless customs - some which are forces for good, others not so good - which are used to change or control feelings, including praying, chanting, singing, etc. Often these practices are combined with deep relaxation, meditation, trance, and even hypnosis, again some for good aims and some not so good.

  • If you are a coach or trainer you can help others with this type of personal change - see the personal change exercises ideas which use these relaxation, scripts and positive statements techniques.

What do the 'I am' Words Mean?

The 'I am' element alone is a powerful one because it embodies the sense of self-determination, which nobody and nothing can ever take away from you, and it emphasises the value of simply 'being'.

  • We each exist as a person of value and worth in our own right, irrespective of possessions and achievements. Accepting and reinforcing this concept is good for each of us. This, at its simplest level, is what 'I am' means.

"There is wisdom in accepting what you are. It is difficult to be what you are not. Being what you are doesn't require any effort. When you become wise, you accept yourself the way you are, and the complete acceptance of yourself becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else."

From 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz, with thanks to

You can use the relaxation exercise, combined with a script, to change many aspects of your life and feelings:

  1. You do this by adding, removing, or replacing statements in the script.
  2. Keep the statements positive and in the present tense.
  3. For example, if you want to be more confident, use a statement such as 'I am a confident person' rather than 'I will be a more confident person' or 'I will try to be a more confident person'.
  4. If you want to stop smoking, use a statement such as 'I am a non-smoker because I value my life and body' rather than 'I will try to give up smoking'.
  • If you do not want to give up smoking, merely to cut down, adjust the script accordingly, for example: 'I smoke only five/ten/fifteen cigarettes a day, because this is improving my health and my life' (better than smoking twenty or thirty days).

If you keep telling your subconscious that you 'are', then in time you will 'be'.

Use script statements that describe yourself as you want to be. Repeating positive scripts, combined with deep relaxation, will change your behaviour from deep within.

Making Tapes or Script Recordings

You can increase the ease of using scripts if you make a recording of yourself reading your script. You can then use the recording any time you want.

  • Using a recording also means you can relax completely while listening to the words, with no need to open your eyes to read.
  • You can also listen to your recorded script at bedtime before you go to sleep every night, which is also an effective way to reach and change your subconscious feelings.

Be Assured...

Most people judge themselves against entirely artificial criteria. Material success is not what life is about.

  • You can change your frame of reference. You do not have to accept a frame of reference that others have given you.
  • Many of the most materially 'successful' people are deeply unhappy, yet they strive and search (unsuccessfully) even harder for more material success.
  • Most ordinary good, honest 'being' people are fooled into believing that what they have is not worth anything. Don't be fooled.
  • The answer to happiness and fulfilment is usually found in achieving a simple acceptance of, and joy of living, a good life.
  • Enjoy 'being' and living a good life.
  • Next time you get caught in the rain, or bump the car, or get a headache - enjoy being alive to feel it and experience it.

With acknowledgements to Carole Byrd and Buddha Maitreya.