the alternative 'dalai lama' personality test

a free bit of nonsense

The famous 'Dalai Lama' personality test started as a chain letter around the year 2000. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the Dalai Lama, and as a psychometrics instrument it can technically best be described as 'a load of bollocks'. This is an alternative 'Dalai Lama' test. It is, like the original test, nothing whatsoever to do with the Dalai Lama, and it is an even bigger load of bollocks than the original. By all means cut, paste and send it to as many of your friends as you wish.

Warning: This is not a proper test. It's nonsense.

While answering the questions in this test think about world peace, puppy dogs and nice fluffy pillows.

Make a wish, but beware, you might get what you wish for.

the alternative 'dalai lama' personality test

1. Write down the following five animals in the order of your preference: Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig

2. Write a word to describe each one of the following: Dog Cat Rat Coffee Sea

3. Write down the name of a person known to you personally whom you associate with each colour: Yellow Orange Red White Green

4. Write down you favourite number and favourite day of the week.

Be sure that your answers are what you really feel. Or not, for all the difference that it will make..

Scroll down for the answers.

alternative dalai lama test answers

Question 1 interpretation (Write down the following five animals in the order of your preference: Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig):

Cow = thinking carnal thoughts about another person who'd be shocked if only they knew
Tiger = shouting or sulking like a spoilt child when you really should know better
Sheep = saying 'Yes' when you want to say 'No', and saying 'No' when you really should say 'Yes'
Horse = putting your hobby ahead of everything and everyone else in your life
Pig = secretly and frequently looking admiringly in the mirror at your favourite parts of your own body

Question 2 interpretation (Write a word to describe each of the following: Dog Cat Rat Coffee Sea).

Dog = the person who sits next to you at work
Cat = the partner of your closest work colleague (or your best friend's partner if you are not at work)
Rat = your ex-partner
Coffee = (men: driving, women: shopping)
Sea = the organisation in which you work

Question 3 interpretation (Write down the name of a person known to you personally whom you associate with each colour: Yellow Orange Red White Green):

Yellow = someone you'd like to tie up and smear with peanut butter or an exotic yoghurt of your choice
Orange = someone you'd like to see wearing a french-maid's outfit
Red = someone you'd consider bathing in a vat of cold baked beans with
White = someone you can imagine having a secret relationship with the head of the organisation
Green = someone whom you'd be happy to run away with if they won the lottery, and then you'd leave them when all the money was spent

Question 4 interpretation (Write down you favourite number and favourite day of the week):

Favourite number = the number of partners you wish you'd had
Favourite day of the week:
Monday = you are a workaholic
Tuesday = you are mad
Wednesday = you cannot make decisions
Thursday = you get paid weekly on Thursdays
Friday = you are an alcoholic
Saturday = you are a shopaholic or a football hooligan
Sunday = you are mad (it's work on Monday), or you are unemployed

By forwarding this ridiculous questionnaire to as many people as possible your life will change according to the following scale:

0-4 persons = your friends will realise that you have virtually no other friends
5-9 persons = your friends will doubt that all the people on the list are actually friends of yours, and the other recipients will wonder who you are
10 or more persons = most of the recipients will wonder who you are, and all of them will be somewhat concerned to see that you are sharing their personal email addresses so liberally with so many complete strangers

And always remember, the Dalai Lama never said this:

"If someone does not smile at you it almost certainly means they are not happy, probably with good reason, and so you are best to leave them alone. If you smile at complete strangers they will probably think you are mad. Moreover if they are old you might frighten them, and if they are young they might well tell their parents that you have been pestering them. So all things considered, when it comes to smiling at strangers who don't have a smile for you: nobody needs a grinning idiot trying to cheer them up when they're already perfectly happy being miserable."

If you really want to see it, here is the original 'Dalai Lama personality test'.

More nonsense, exercises, and enjoyable materials for working with people are on the main businessballs website.

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