Blog entry by Alan Chapman

by Alan Chapman - Saturday, 19 June 2021, 11:38 AM
Anyone in the world

the loss of self

I attempted to write this article as it emerged. Technology had other ideas. And so I'm grateful as ever to Ed for his brilliance in enabling me to produce what follows.

Optimism and hope, and the assurance of a beautiful new humanity...

Please keep these words in mind.

Optimism. Hope. Assurance. Beautiful new humanity.

What follows might seem dark, yet really it's the dark that shows the light.

And I'm happy and very peaceful. Resolute, determined; extremely fit and strong.


Adapting to what emerges, is IMHO more effective than planning.

Especially when complex systems are involved.

And actually complex systems are involved in everything.

Humans are evolved to adapt to what emerges.

The title: 'The loss of self' came to me about 20 minutes before I began to write this article.

And the first lines (of a song and melody and chords or lyrical work that might emerge from this) came a few minutes later:

"Letting go, the who I am."

"Letting go, the who I am."

A few other lines emerging are:

"Here I am. Here we are."

"Here I am. Here we are."


Among what is emerging and understandable to me about 'the loss of self' - and which I might clarify into more lyrics and musical form - is the sense that:

1. We have all been here several times before (in terms of our living and growing, and more existentially).

2. That this is a repeating cycle of individual disintegrations and 'rebirths' or 're-inventions'...

3. ...from tiny unnoticeable changes, to life-threateningly traumatically huge changes, and between these extremes.

3. And that this is also a collective experience - conscious and unconscious - at the level of families, work and social groups, other communities and organisations, nations and all humanity, extending to how we each try to make sense of language, science, arts, planet Earth, nature, the wider universe(s) and everything.

Names and titles of anything and anyone...

As often happens, the title or name of something, anything - perhaps a book, or song, or film, or a home or village or pet or child; really anything - emerges when the understandable nature of the thing - a discovery or creation - is clear enough to be sensed.

In other words, we can perhaps best name something when we can sense enough of what it is to be able to name it, or title it.

Additionally, implicitly the 'understanding' of the nature of something is dependent on our capability to understand anything, which is dependent on our understanding of our self - i.e., "Who am I? and "What am I?" - which changes from moment to moment, and throughout our own lifetime.

And so we would probably choose different names for things according to our mood and situation and age and life-stage. 

Why is this naming of something important?


The title or name is often what people see or hear first.

The name of anything determines very significantly how we approach it.

The name of anything tends to be how we refer other people to it, and therefore influences the success, resilience, adaptability, popularity, and helpfulness or harmfulness of anyone and anything.

We name something when we discuss it with others.

We remember something very often by what it is named.

We put something into storage, emotionally and physically - whether in our computer folders, our toolbox or on our kitchen shelves or in the cells of our memory banks - according to what it is named.

And this process, and series of actions, influence how we live very profoundly.

This is especially so in modern times, when so much is changing, perhaps now faster than humanity is evolved to understand it and cope with it.

What is 'the loss of self' about?

The loss of self is - to me - about the 'letting go' of, and the grieving for, and a sort of death of, whom and what we believed ourselves to be; individually and collectively, consciously and unconsciously.

For me additionally, the loss of self is about my own letting go of nearly everything in my life that I previously imagined and believed defined me as a person, and which I cherished and enjoyed, and also which I preferred not to think about.

Interestingly and pleasingly for me, my own dying any time very soon is not among what I am processing in my personal loss of self processing, because I let go that part of me some years ago.

I am nowadays more focused on letting go the belief that humanity will survive beyond the next year or two :)

And part of this is letting go the belief or assumption that I would live in some sort of home, rather than live wild in a forest, or similarly in a 'wild' situation.

I am nowadays processing and letting go the parts of me that have been conditioned for decades, to believe that I should have belongings and possessions of any sort, except for some clothes in which I stand, and a few tools in a small rucksack. Again, as if I am preparing to live 'wild' in a forest, or homeless, scavenging from people's bins.

I am nowadays processing and letting go of what remains of my ego (very very little), so that what I might create is simply for me, and not to be shared with others, except in conversation and/or when someone is interested or helped by what I can offer, create, show and share.

This is a sort of dying, to me, another sort of dying, because I have died already a few times before.

This is another letting go.

Another bigger loss of self.

This is the passing on...

This is also much more a sensing of the passing on...

A passing on of the baton to the next runner.

Of the baton to the new conductors of life's orchestras.

Of the opportunities to grow and show.

Of the potential to survive and thrive.

And whatever younger cleverer folk than me might make of everything.

I am very keen to show my preparedness for a good death, far sooner than most people might consider such a passing on, or gift.

I'm in no hurry to die; on the contrary; I'm simply in a hurry to show that death is nothing to be fear.

I see more clearly now, so that I can write it, that 'the loss of self' is perhaps more easily understood as the space we make for our reborn fearless self to grow, and to show this to others.

P.S. Why might we be helped by being reborn?

Because it's highly possible that each of us is damaged by our birth (research it), then unhelpfully conditioned by our parenting and schooling and education, and then additionally brainwashed by powerful media and economic and political forces, so that even into quite late adulthood, we do not know who or what we really are - so that we do not properly love ourselves - and for some or mybe most people, this lack of awareness is never appreciated, nor consequently addressed nor resolved.

[ Modified: Monday, 21 June 2021, 10:25 PM ]