Blog entry by Alan Chapman

by Alan Chapman - Sunday, 23 August 2020, 2:21 PM
Anyone in the world

The Beautiful Pointlessness and Hopelessness of Life

I preface this article with:

  • A Theory of Infinite Universes. 
  • My firm assurance that I love life and everything in it, including all the dark as well as the light. It is all life.
  • A reminder that words and meaning are not the same - especially here my words 'pointlessness' and 'hopelessness' mean different things to most people's interpretations; notably 'pointlessness' and 'hopelessness' are positive beautiful words to me, not negative; they equate to uncertainty, which to me is beautiful positive reality, i.e., the actual truthful state of life and universe: uncertainty.
  • I personally have a point and hope, merely as far as my own thoughts and feelings extend - which equate to my own purpose and meaning - but I do not extend or apply point and hope to life beyond me, because all of life outside of my head is uncertain, and to imagine otherwise is illusory. 

The Theory of Infinite Universes is an important preface or introduction to this article because it emphasizes that this article is how I see and feel and think about life, universe, and everything.

Everyone has the right to see life, universe and everything, as they want.

Probably no other people see life, universe and everything, as I do. And this is so for each of us. We each see everything in our own unique ways.

We each have our own unique value; no more or less than anyone else.


Theory of Infinite Universes

Anyone can theorize about life, universe and everything - and anything within/related. Anything. Try it. Share it. Think and talk. Be all you want to be. We especially have a right and maybe responsibility to theorize  - or share what we have learned - about anything that is part of profound personal experience for us. 

This 'Theory of Infinite Universes' is very much part of my profound experience in my life, based on what I have seen, touched and experienced. 

Incidentally, in 2020 I shared my Theory of Infinite Universes with Jim Peebles, the 2019 Nobel Prizewinner in Physics. Jim replied kindly to my ideas, not disagreeing nor proposing an alternative, agreeing that life is wonderful and encouraging me to 'keep thinking'. Obviously, I am hugely grateful for Jim's kindness and encouragement.  

Here's the actual email exchange. Apart from anything else, it shows that a very simple person like me can engage with a true genius like Jim Peebles. 

I encourage everyone to reach for the stars. Especially the stars closest to your heart and your dreams, because you will reach these stars more wonderfully than you can imagine.


Subject: Re: suicide/cosmos
Date: Sun, 7 Jun 2020 15:06:50 +0000
From: P. James E. Peebles <pjep@Princeton.EDU>
To: alan chapman <>

Hello Alan. Yes, admire every moment, and keep thinking. The world is a wonderful place. Jim

On Jun 7, 2020, at 9:49 AM, alan chapman <> wrote:

Jim hi - i work deep in suicide. Fearlessly welcoming death when it comes, loving every moment/thing until then.

Do you agree perhaps there are infinite universes and we switch between them, as a single/whole/infinitely permutated consciousness?

We'll never know/explain, in human constructs, except simply to 'be', do you imagine?

Thanks, love, best wishes,

Alan Chapman

Anstey, Leics. UK

Businesballs, FoLaD, RudeAngel, etc.

Additionally, I would word it as follows. 

The Theory of Infinite Universes is a work in progress, and simply that:

  1. There are infinite universes.
  2. We each 'switch' between universes, constantly.
  3. The universes all exist inside our heads, individually and collectively; and infinitely.* 
  4. We each make our own universe.**

* 'Infinitely', especially because there are 7.5 billion people alive using their brains today, and people are being born and dying constantly, and changing their thinking and feelings constantly too. 

** We each make our own universe every moment that we are alive, and perhaps before we are born and after we die too.

I'll write more here in this blog section about the Theory of Infinite Universes perhaps, because I have thought and written lots about it, and lots more is emerging. I am open to discussion with anyone about it.

Jim Peebles ( was born April 25 1935. 

Wikipedia (Aug 2020) says of Peebles - and note especially his comments about the 'Big Bang' and notion of a 'beginning' (with which I certainly agree):

Canadian-American astrophysicist, astronomer, and theoretical cosmologist, the Albert Einstein Professor of Science, Emeritus, at Princeton University (at 2020), widely regarded as one of the world's leading theoretical cosmologists in the period since 1970, with major theoretical contributions to primordial nucleosynthesis, dark matter, the cosmic microwave background, and structure formation. Peebles was awarded half of the Nobel Prize in Physics in 2019 for his theoretical discoveries in physical cosmology. He shared the prize with Michel Mayor and Didier Queloz for their discovery of an exoplanet orbiting a sun-like star. In his award presentation, Peebles noted that he does not prefer the term 'Big Bang Theory', since " connotes the notion of an event and a position, both of which are quite wrong." While much of his work relates to the development of the universe from its first few seconds, he is more sceptical about what we can know about the very beginning, and stated, "It's very unfortunate that one thinks of the beginning whereas in fact, we have no good theory of such a thing as the beginning."


The Beautiful Pointlessness and Hopelessness of Life

Very briefly and concisely, what I mean by: 'The Beautiful Pointlessness and Hopelessness of Life' is - that in all of time/universe(s), whether we take the view, that time/universe(s):

  • exist only in the 'now' or present,
  • are 13.5bn years old and still counting,
  • or anything else,

we humans, individually, collectively, as a species or humanity, are completely insignificant. Except in the 'now' of our own heads. Because all that really exists is the 'now', which of course also contains all of our individual and collective, mistaken, biased, distorted, ideas of the past and the future - and of ourselves. 

All of history is distorted by interpretations and bias and propaganda, and anyway is past and cannot be changed. 

All of the future is uncertain, unpredictable and uncontrollable, although we struggle to accept this until we are 'reborn' and enlightened, which is a central aspect of this article. And so, hope - as we normally define it - being based on a wish for some form of imagined future, is illusory.

The hope for me is that I continue to love my dying, because this gives me my wonderment, my gratitude and acceptance, my peace, my fearlessness, my forgiveness of others, especially of the ungrown and damaged and dangerous, and my loving of everything  - the light and dark.

And there is no point to life, except the acceptance of the 'now', and the beauty of the 'now'.

This is, I remind you, in the universe(s), that I make for myself. And that if we attach hopes to beliefs that we can predict or control the future, and/or by interpreting the past in our own ways, then these hopes and beliefs can only ever be illusory.

And while living a life based on illusions, are valid universes for those who choose these universes, personally I choose universes in which I am dead already, and therefore I am free to live and love and enjoy the beauty, of the pointlessness and hopelessness, of a life in which I embrace my dying, fearlessly and lovingly.

I understand that I am unusual in this approach to life and death.

This makes my living quite lonely in many ways, because so few people think and feel as I do, although I'm fortunate to enjoy isolation, and being in nature, and my own creative works, especially in music and re-purposing plastic bottles and other 'rubbish', and making tea from nettles, etc. And I realise that how I think and feel, is quite disturbing for very many people, even though it's miraculously beautiful to me.    

And so I (try to) talk less and listen more. This is a constant work. I strive to love myself. As I believe we all should.

And especially I love my wonderment at this life and world, in which usually I feel I no longer belong. Not least because I feel like I'm already dead. And the more I feel I do not belong, then the more my wonderment at it all increases, and the more beautiful life is.

So while I live, in this human form, while also being dead, I enjoy every beautiful moment, grain and raindrop.









Some other notes: 

I believe that at some time in each of our lives we become like a living dead person.

This is such a profound acceptance of our own dying, that we become 'reborn', as if living already dead, and therefore peaceful, free, fearless and loving.

Nothing matters really except the beauty of now.

That is, we are still alive in a normal physical sense, but in our approach to and relationship with life, we think and feel as if we are dead.  

For most people this happens very late in life, commonly when very near to death.

For some people it seems to happen sooner in life.

For me I arrived at this peace via suicidal bereavement, other life-threatening traumas, suicidal ideation, attempt, survival, study, creative work, and helping others through similar experiences.

There are many other paths to peace.   

This is also dependent on the person being able to sense and feel and think for themselves, free of pharmaceutical interventions that cause a numbness or unthinking/unfeeling condition, which sadly is the situation for increasingly many people nowadays.

Anyway, for those fortunate to experience the progress and growth of one's life towards death - which of course begins when we are born - at some time in our life, before we die in a conventional physical sense - we are properly 'born'  - commonly called 're-born' - as awakened enlightened people.

This state of rebirth or awakening or enlightenment is the state of being living dead. 
My words for this, at times, are 'living dead'.

Other people (including me sometimes) call this 'peace', as well as enlightenment, and other equating language.

Buddhism refers in various ways to similar concepts.

More recent religions than Buddhism describe death as a much more separate condition, equating to a version of heaven or hell.

Buddhism refers to a soul continuing, commonly interpreted as a form or reincarnation.

My Theory of Infinite Universes means to me that all interpretations are valid and meaningful, especially for the person holding his/her own interpretation.

My own view of 'living dead' is similar to, and extending, Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration - notably its fundamental proposition that we are immature and not properly born as independent fearless peaceful people until and unless we have disintegrated suicidally, i.e., wanting/wanted to die, and grown traumatically through this experience, which is essentially the acceptance and embracing of our own mortality and dying.

The work of Stephen Jenkinson (Griefwalker, Die Wise, and Orphan Wisdom, etc) helps explain more about the embracing of one's own dying - at any age. 

Viktor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning and Yes to Life) also explains helpfully and deeply about becoming 'reborn' through trauma, so as to live fearlessly and lovingly. Other Nazi Holocaust writers such as Elie Wiesel and Primo Levi explore and convey interpretations of the same growth, so that we might understand better the power of the human mind, via stories, because words and language otherwise are so inadequate.

Nietzsche and many other thinkers offer helpful perspectives to making sense, and universes, from all this.

You will find references and more information and explanations about all this and related matters on other articles in this blog section.

Much of the beauty of my universes seems to be from blending beautiful truths, and this makes sense from the perspective of the connected consciousness, of everything, being all that actually 'is'.

Whatever is in one's heart (if this conveys love and self-love best).

"All I really certainly want to do, besides enjoying the beauties of now, is to die,

to be unborn again,

and this is perhaps the biggest loneliness.

Not to stop the pain,

because there's no pain now,

and anyway any more pain is growth.

I've lived and learned this.

Absolutely I have peace.

Simply because,


I'm done here now.

Is how this universe feels now,

although uncertainty is beautiful.

There is no more truth,

than the beautiful nothingness of being unborn."

"The pointless,




of being unborn."



[ Modified: Friday, 19 February 2021, 11:55 AM ]