Blog entry by Alan Chapman
I am alive.
It will be six years in a few days.
I live mostly in a happy ending.
if I have anything to offer
This is for anyone who's lost a loved one to suicide and almost followed.
Others might find it helpful.
there is a light
This is written with love, to light the way, to rebirth.
There is a light.
Brightly and beautifully imaginable, until it comes.
the ripping out of my soul
After the first year of shock and numbness,
The increasing dawning,
Of the ripping out of my soul.
The vultures visit often.
To rip everything from my bones.
This will take another few years.
I punish and destroy myself.
Because all seems lost anyway.
I do not understand that I could learn to love myself.
Vultures are part of the beauty of everything that loves itself.
Much like the crow that comes when we are ready.
at least two of me
My destructive self has mostly chased away the optimistic hopeful man I used to be.
What is the point of keeping anything.
When escape is impossible.
Except what we imagine :)
No teaching prepared me.
Alone in black nothing.
Unable to explain.
Doorways and feelings no longer exist.
I am dead.
I am without a soul, in a world of the living.
So I learn to be like this.
And I become this.
jump to the happy ending
To be shown anything is possible.
I know some who know the path.
If only one step ahead.
I can be one.